January 2010
17 posts
you'll regret this
I’d be lying if I said I hope you’re happy with her. Truthfully, my friend, I hope she makes you crazy. I hope you have to physically crawl away from her one day, desperately groping at the corners of your faltering sanity. When the initial puppy love wears off, you’ll see that she’s nothing more than an identity-confused harlot with a hair dye addiction and an illusion of love.
With a real gift...
!@#$%^&*&^%$#@#!
“I wiped the condensation off the glass. She stared back at me, that girl in her fake clothes, hiding behind her fake makeup and her fake hair. Burying her insecurities beneath an act of invincibility, recklessly feigning a lack of heart. Truth was, there was a heart, one that few would ever see. I lived in fear that some perceptive stranger would call me out, but it stung more that nobody...
"I love writing. I love the swirl and swing of...
“Being alone is not the most awful thing in the world. You visit your museums and cultivate your interests and remind yourself how lucky you are not to be one of those spindly Sudanese children with flies beading their mouths. You make out To Do lists - reorganise linen cupboard, learn two sonnets. You dole out little treats to yourself - slices of ice-cream cake, concerts at Wigmore Hall....
i wish you were here
they say for some feelings there are no words, and any teenager can vouch for that one. however, it’s never stopped me from trying. the ink and pages blur to destruction, but I’m happy just to feel. maybe I am a horrible person, unpredictable and hard to handle, just like you say. but you also say i have a prolific way with words, and i like to tell myselfthat means there’s a...
every night is lonely without you
maybe it’s a bad choice to drift between ultimatums like this. but it’s never really been up to me, anyway. i think that’s why i finally loosened my death grip on control, or what little i had left. he and i are both giving our all in this endless power struggle and he’s backing me over the edge of resolution. i’m coming so close, so painfully close to a balanced...
“You never get over it, but you get to the point where it doesn’t bother...”
– The Virgin Suicides
transitional
and just like that, i found the answer. or i should say, the answer found me. i smiled, because truthfully, it was that easy. I’d heard it said time and time again that the only way to cure yourself of one addiction was to replace it with another, and on paper it seemed foolproof. apparently, put into practice, it was just as giving.
this thing, us, wasn’t about love. and it...
heart of a robot
© tito shaw
i need an escape. I’m trapped between distractions, but they’re bound to soon run out. he’s tried to make amends, and i tell myself i’m uninterested, when in truth, i’m just so glad to have the power back. pretty soon i’ll be at a dead end, a confrontational roadblock i’ve avoided thus far. call me a coward, but i’m just not ready to...
“You are not boring or vain or simple or mean. You’re colorful, complex,...”
follow your bliss
© tito shaw
he was like the amazon, intimidating in his vastness and complexity, but also a closet misfit, like a lost puzzle piece sheltered between the couch coushions, never to know its place among an unfinished picture that was carefully assembled on the coffee table. whatever he was under all that perfection, it shined through in such mysterious unforgettable ways that i’d simply...
©tito shaw
That night, like most, my guard went down with the sun. I lay awake in my bed, unable to fall asleep. instead, i wandered the vacant isles of my memory library, pulling from the shelves a mess of recollections that i had long forgotten were waiting for me there. that was the thing about memories, they were impossibly unorganized, tucked away or front and centre, regardless of your...
“if your world doesn’t allow you to dream, move to one where you can.”
– Billy Idol
Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It’s all in how you carry it. That’s what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you’re letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain. - Jim Morrison
I...
“If a guy treats you like he doesn’t give a shit, it’s because he...”
– He’s Just Not That Into You
The First.
“When I was little, my ambition was to grow up to be a book. Not a writer. People can be killed like ants. Writers are not hard to kill either. But not books. However systematically you try to destroy them, there is always a chance that a copy will survive and continue to enjoy shelf-life in some corner of an out-of-the way library somewhere, in Reykjavik, Valladolid, or Vancouver..” -...